Toys can bring fresh energy, curiosity and plenty of laughter into a relationship. But for a lot of people, the conversation is the hardest part. What if your partner takes it the wrong way? What if it's awkward? Here's how to open the door with warmth, and keep it open.

First, a mindset shift

A toy isn't a replacement for a partner or a comment on anyone's skills. It's an addition, like a great playlist, a new recipe or a weekend away. Couples who explore together often find they communicate better about everything else, too.

Pick the right moment

  • Outside the bedroom works best for a first conversation. Over a relaxed dinner or a walk feels lower-pressure than mid-moment.
  • When you're both relaxed, not rushed, tired or in the middle of a disagreement.
  • Privately. Never as a joke in front of friends.

Lead with "we" and "more"

How you frame it matters. Try openers like:

  • "I read something about couples trying toys together and I'm curious. Would you ever want to try one with me?"
  • "I love what we have, and I think it could be fun to add something new. What do you think?"
  • "Is there anything you've ever been curious about trying? I'll go first..."

Focusing on shared fun, curiosity and closeness keeps the conversation playful rather than critical.

Browse together

Looking at products together turns a conversation into a shared project. Reading about materials, comparing options and laughing at product names takes the edge off. Our Journal and collection are designed to be informative rather than intimidating, so they're a comfortable place to start.

Start simple

A first toy for two should feel approachable:

  • A wand massager is versatile, external and easy for either partner to use. It also works as a body massager, which is a gentle way to introduce it. (See Choosing Your First Wand.)
  • A bendable toy made for sharing. Flexible, dual-ended designs like our Omni Duet can be shaped to suit both of you, and give each partner something to hold onto.
  • Remote-controlled toys add a playful element of anticipation, letting one partner control the sensation.
  • Massage first. Starting with a massage builds trust and relaxation before anything else.

If your partner hesitates

Hesitation is normal and isn't the same as "no forever." Ask gently what's on their mind. Common concerns include feeling replaced, feeling inadequate, or simply not knowing what to expect. Reassure, listen and don't push. Sometimes the best move is to leave the idea with them and revisit it later. And if the answer is no, respect it. Consent applies to every new experience.

The goal isn't to convince. It's to connect.

During and after

  • Check in with simple questions: "More? Less? Like this?"
  • Laugh if something's awkward. It almost always is the first time.
  • Talk afterward about what you both enjoyed and what you'd change.
  • Clean up together. Wash with warm water and mild soap; see our cleaning guide.

Choose quality you can both trust

Body-safe materials matter even more when you're sharing. Medical-grade silicone is non-porous and easy to clean, and an ultra-soft finish means it's comfortable with or without lube. If you do use lube, water-based is safe with toys and condoms.

Erotx Journal articles are for general education and are not medical advice. If you have health concerns, please speak with a qualified healthcare professional.